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Photo: Unsplash/ Danie Franco By Patricia Alvarado April 17, 2025 – 09:00 As Latinas, we are often raised with the value of familia first, taught to be caretakers who put everyone’s needs before our own. When we start the courageous journey of breaking generational cycles , it can feel overwhelming, especially if we were the first (or only) ones in our family doing the work. The conversation about setting boundaries often comes up, but what about the difference between boundaries and barriers – something that can be difficult to navigate. So let’s try to understand – what’s the difference between boundaries and barriers anyway? Well, for starters, boundaries are healthy guidelines that help us protect our emotional, mental, and physical well-being. They allow us to engage in relationships respectfully while maintaining our personal needs and values. Think about boundaries like puertas – you decide who comes in, how long they stay, and when it’s time for them to leave. Boundaries are really made out of love because they allow us to bring people closer instead of pushing them away. It’s a way to prioritize your needs – because remember, you are important too. Barriers on the other hand are like walls that we build, sometimes unintentionally, out of fear, frustration, or hurt. Barriers isolate us emotionally and can shut out meaningful relationships. Instead of a puerta, a barrier is more like a pared, completely closing off communication and understanding. While neither one of these can feel so great, we do need both. Setting boundaries allows us to build stronger, more genuine relationships. Boundaries communicate our limits clearly and kindly, helping us avoid burnout and resentment. However, sometimes, temporary barriers might be necessary if a relationship is toxic or harmful, giving us space and protection to heal. Stay connected! Subscribe now and get the latest on culture, empowerment, and more. SIGN ME UP! Este sitio está protegido por reCAPTCHA y Google Política de privacidad y Se aplican las Condiciones de servicio . Thank You! You are already subscribed to our newsletter Knowing when to use boundaries versus barriers can greatly impact our mental health and relationships in general. Boundaries lead to growth and improved connections, while barriers, if maintained for too long, can create misunderstandings and emotional distance. Each has their role depending on what you need. The key to remember with barriers is that they are temporary . Let’s be real: setting boundaries in a Latinx family can sometimes feel impossible. Family members might interpret our boundaries as selfishness or disrespect. To navigate this, clarity and cariño are essential. While you may not always want to do this, reassure your loved ones that boundaries are an act of love, a way to protect your energy, and maintain healthy relationships. You are now modeling positive behaviors. Example of a Boundary or Puerta: “Mama, I love you mucho, but on Sundays I need time for myself to recharge. I’ll be there for you throughout the week, but Sundays are mi dia.” Example of a Barrier or Pared: Regularly ignoring phone calls from family without explanation. This action may unintentionally communicate rejection and create further distance and misunderstandings. Let’s explore how we can see these play out in everyday life: Example 1: La Profesionista (The Career-Focused Eldest Daughter) Let’s say that you are the first in your family to graduate college and land a full-time career. Orgullo de la familia, right? But now, you are getting constant calls to help with translating documents, running errands, or even sending money – sometimes while you are in very important meetings. Boundary/Puerta (Healthy): “I want to help but I am unable to answer the phone while I am at work. How about we plan to look at these things over the weekend?” This approach works because you are not saying “no” for forever. You are saying “yes” but on your terms, the terms that make sense based on what you have going on in your life. This creates mutual respect and helps your family understand that what you have going on is important also. Barrier/Pared (Unhealthy): Avoiding calls or texts entirely, hoping they will “get the hint.” This approach is harmful because while silence might protect your schedule, your family might feel rejected because there is no communication. They will assume that you think you are better than them or “forgot where you came from.” Let’s look at another example: Example 2: La Organizadora de la Familia (The Emotional Anchor) Let’s assume you are the one who plans birthdays, coordinates get-togethers, checks in on everyone’s health, and remembers everything. Lately though, you have felt emotionally and physically drained and unfortunately, no one seems to notice. Boundary/Puerta (Healthy): “I love spending time with you but I need to rest and recharge. This time, I can’t organize the party but I can definitely help with something small.” This approach works because you are expressing love while also honoring your own energy. It shows that you care while also modeling for others that your time and well being matter. Barrier/Pared (Unhealthy): You decide to cancel plans last minute or start ghosting the family chats because you are burnt out. This approach can backfire because instead of promoting healing and understanding, this can create resentment or unnecessary drama – what you were trying to avoid in the first place. I am the first to admit that setting boundaries can be challenging especially when this was not something that we were taught early on. Because of this, it’s important that we are constantly doing things that can release any negative feelings and truly focus on what feels right for you, in this moment. Create a vision board: these are not only reserved for the end of the year, you can start this at any time! Visualize your boundaries and personal goals in a way that honors all parts of you. Cafecito time : schedule daily moments to savor your favorite cafe con leche or tea, reflecting quietly on your emotional state and boundary needs. Community Check-In : connect with supportive Latinx communities, online or in person, to remind you that you’re not alone in this boundary setting journey. Lastly, I want to share some tips on managing boundaries across different relationships that you might have. Each is unique in their own way. Family relationships: communicate your boundaries with empathy, clearly expressing how they benefit everyone’s emotional health in the long run. Friendships: engage in open conversations about your limits and actively listen to theirs, fostering mutual respect and deeper connections. Professional relationships: clearly articulate your boundaries around workload and personal time to maintain balance and present burnout. Romantic relationships: Clearly communicate your emotional and physical boundaries early in the relationship. For example, you might say, “I appreciate our time together, but I also need regular alone time to recharge. Let’s respect each other’s space to ensure we both feel comfortable and valued.” Remember amiga, setting healthy boundaries isn’t about distancing yourself from those that you love; it’s about taking care of yourself so that you can show up fully and authentically. Embrace this powerful act of self-love, knowing that you’re building a stronger, healthier legacy para ti y tu familia. Patricia Alvarado is a psychotherapist focused on mental health issues affecting the Latinx community. 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